'illegalen'...

[pikkie]

Tegenwoordig spreken we niet meer over 'illegalen'... dat woord mag niet meer gebruikt worden.

Vanaf nu spreken wij over 'mensen zonder papieren'.
In het kader van het streven naar meer politieke correctheid van onze moedertaal werden er onlangs een aantal voorstellen gelanceerd van nieuwe benamingen - en daarmee samenhangende schrappingen - die u binnenkort in de "VAN DALE" mag verwachten.

Vergeet het niet : illegalen zijn : 'mensen zonder papieren'.
In dezelfde trend zullen binnenkort dan ook de volgende nieuwe omschrijvingen ge?ntroduceerd worden in ons taalgebruik :


VROEGER
NU

Homejacker
Verhuisdienst zonder papieren

Carjacker
Takeldienst zonder papieren

Drugdealer
Apotheker zonder papieren

Bankovervaller
Geldtransport zonder papieren

Verkrachter
Gynaecoloog zonder papieren

Pedofiel
Kleuterleider zonder papieren

Inbreker
Deurwaarder zonder papieren

Winkeldief
Klant zonder papieren

Snelheidsduivel
Racer zonder papieren

Afperser
Belastingontvangers

Vliegtuigkaper
Piloot zonder papieren

Kraker
Huurder zonder papieren

Oplichter
Zakenmens zonder papieren

Terrorist
Militair zonder papieren

Boxer
Gelaatsverzorger zonder papieren





Voila, begin dus maar al te oefenen, zodat uw shockerend taalgebruik voortaan aangepast zal zijn aan de moderne papierloze samenleving.

Groetjes van iemand met papieren... ;-)

 

[hangslot]

Correct language

It has been brought to management's attention that some individuals throughout the company have been using foul language during the course of normal conversation with their coworkers. Due to complaints received from some employees who may be easily offended, this type of language will no longer be tolerated.

We do however, realize the critical importance of being able to accurately express your feelings when communicating with coworkers, therefore, a list of TRY SAYING new phrases has been provided so that proper exchange of ideas and information can continue in an effective manner without the risk of offending our more sensitive employees.

try saying: Perhaps I can work late.
instead of: When the fuck do you expect me to do this?

try saying: I'm certain that is not feasible.
instead of: No fucking way.

try saying: Really?
instead of: You've got to be shitting me.

try saying: Perhaps you should check with...
instead of: Tell someone who gives a shit.

try saying: Of course I'm concerned.
instead of: Ask me if I give a shit.

try saying: I wasn't involved in that project.
instead of: Its not my fucking problem.

try saying: That's interesting.
instead of: What the fuck?!?!

try saying: I'm not sure I can implement this.
instead of: Fuck it, it won't work.

try saying: I'll try to schedule that.
instead of: Why the hell didn't you tell me sooner?

try saying: Are you sure this is a problem?
instead of: Who the fuck cares?

try saying: He's not familiar with the problem.
instead of: He's got his head up his ass.

try saying: Excuse me sir?
instead of: Eat shit and die motherfucker.

try saying: So you weren't happy with it?
instead of: Kiss my ass.

try saying: I'm a bit overloaded at this moment.
instead of: Fuck it, I'm on salary.

try saying: I don't think you understand.
instead of: Shove it up your ass.

try saying: I love a challenge.
instead of: This job sucks.

try saying: You want me to take care of that?
instead of: Who the hell died and made you boss?

try saying: I see.
instead of: Blow me.

try saying: Yes, we really should discuss it.
instead of: Another fucking meeting!!!!

try saying: I don't think this will be a problem.
instead of: I really don't give a shit.

try saying: He's somewhat insensitive.
instead of: He's a fucking prick.

try saying: She's an aggressive go getter.
instead of: She's a ball busting bitch.

try saying: I think you could use more training.
instead of: You don't know what the fuck you're doing.